Sandy Feet

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-07T16:23:00.000-04:00

Friday Fill-Ins

2009-09-18T09:23:00.005-04:00

1. My car is a van and is treated like an addition to our small home.

2. Apple-picking is coming up next.

3. Lately, things seem calmer and more balanced. Just the way I like it.

4. The beach is one of my favorite 'hiding' places.

5. What happened to people seeing the world as the place to explore and discover, grow and learn and not just what you go out and see if you have time.

6. Restoring balance after a busy summer is not impossible!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to the observatory at the science museum and seeing the Omni film "Antarctica", tomorrow my plans include throwing a birthday bash for my "little" boy and Sunday, I want to have the grandparents over for lobster and watch my boy play soccer!

Goodbye Mary

2009-09-17T22:20:00.002-04:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-09-09T19:59:00.000-04:00

Learn Nothing!!!

2009-07-24T09:50:00.006-04:00

Shutter the windows! Turn off your television! Shut down your computer!! Put away those video games! Don't answer the phone!! Remove all reading material from your home! And for God's sake don't GO ANYWHERE! Don't speak OR listen, and by all means stay away from neighbors and friends!!

Or else you're doomed. Because today is:
Relax....Enjoy....

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-22T20:46:00.000-04:00

I Got Sunshine

2009-04-05T15:25:00.003-04:00

"Somehow or other...it came, just the same." Dr. Seuss

I'm so glad for the sunshine and spring warmth today. I raked out my garden,and saw all the perennial sprouts waiting there to say hello. Ahhhhhh!!!! The basketball is banging on the driveway again, and the baseball gloves are cluttering the kitchen. 'Tis the season to be jolly!

Catching Up blah,blah, blah

2009-04-02T22:58:00.004-04:00

It's been a while since I just sat down to write some thoughts here. I didn't used to care much who all read here or what he or she thought, but then that started to get in my way. I started visiting my favorite blogs, and then they started visiting mine sometimes (how nice!) and then I got all nervous. Silly, I know, but there it is. Becoming too self-conscious took away my flow, and I didn't like how that felt. I'd start to write, then I'd read it, and it didn't even sound like me. So, I left it. Gave myself more space from it and have tried to regain my perspective about it. So...here I go again...

We made a trip to Washington, DC a couple of weeks ago. I went to go see the glowing golden aura that I knew would be surrounding the White House, and sure enough, I saw it! Truly! I was a little surprised that the whole city wasn't levitating. Such a load off...But then we witnessed some weighty AIG discussions at the US Capitol (cool tour), and my bubble burst, remembering the pile of #@*& that was left behind to shovel out. The boys were wonderful travellers, and an unschooling mindset came in very handy when it was time to plan the day. They reminded me that going back to swim in the pool was way more interesting than going to see "one more exhibit." But they also trusted us to lead them around and show them the sights. Being there with them was such a kick, and we have loads of pictures and memories to share.

I lost a cousin. She died while we were away and I attended her funeral shortly after we returned. She was 50, married, with a teen son. Her legacy is one of simple, consistent giving to those around her. She was obviously grateful for every day, living with a delicate heart condition since birth, and she took the time to do and say the things that are often left undone and unsaid because we second-guess their importance, or because we think we'll have another chance. So I will try to honor her spirit by being more openly thoughtful, by saying the kind words rather than just thinking them, and by baking more cookies for my boys.

Nathan cut his long hair when we got back from vacation which made me feel both relieved and saddened. He said he just felt relieved. He loved the length, but hated to care for it...so it's not short-short...but he's got some bangs and his face is newly revealed to us again which I love.

Today we stayed home and watched LOTR and there were sword fights in the yard afterwards. Tomorrow we are headed into Boston for a kid-friendly presentation by the Boston Symphony Orchestra. It's supposed to rain, so we'll drive in, and maybe we'll catch a bite before heading back to our safe, dry home.

Feeling lucky and happy and myself.

Where I'm From

2009-03-06T09:03:00.010-05:00

I read the poem first at Sandra's blog, then got the template to do my own.

Where I'm From

I am from black-and-white portable TV sets, from Jiffy Pop and Volkswagon.

I am from the house in the woods with the long driveway, littered with pineneedles, shag-carpeted, the smell of a wood stove.

I am from the beach grass and the tall white pines, wild lady slippers, Dad's tomato plants and autumn leaf piles.

I am from daily trips to the sea and blue eyes, from Smith and Scrivener and Christobel.

I am from the cold ocean swims and long vacation drives.

From "be a nice person to everybody" and "don't waste half the day sleeping."

I am from it's not what you believe, it's how you live. Sunday school on a farm with a pottery wheel and finger paints.

I'm from Massachusetts, Old England, and Germany, clam chowder and mince pie.

From the news reporter who woke his children in the middle of the night to go see the big fire, the distracted artist who couldn't find herself, the young boy who hid from a spanking in the garden shed, delighted that his father couldn't find him.

I am from a Martha's Vineyard attic, a grandfather's basement workshop full of wonderous junk, old albums at Mom's house full of Polaroid glimpses, snapshots of happiness, gatherings and childhood well lived.

Happy 200th Chuck!! AND ABE!!

2009-02-11T21:39:00.002-05:00

Oh Yeah!!! You too, Abe!!!! What a coincidence!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-11T14:55:00.000-05:00

Just so you know...we let him go right after the photo.

Hibernating...from the gym

2009-02-05T22:34:00.006-05:00

I'm afraid it's time for me to face the facts. There is three feet of snow outside of my house. It was about 5 degrees today. Right now it is 11. Degrees. I have not been getting myself out to exercise and using the dark cold snowy winter as an excuse to do nothing. I do try to embrace winter, but it has beat me this year. I gave up on my routines, and it's hard to feel motivated to get them back when I pretty much see this out the window every day....

I'm sorry Barack..."No, I can't."

But the jeans are getting tight....

It's time to become re-acquainted with my old friend....Ouch.
Or else I'm going to have to settle for a very fetching beach mumu in a few months.

Oy. Do they come in navy blue?

Healing at Home

2009-02-02T22:39:00.018-05:00

I have been worrying about my Dad, and have gone back and forth to my parents' house this past week about an hour away. Dad found out that he had prostate cancer just before Christmas, and the decision was made to remove it all. He was very scared to have the operation as he has enjoyed a very healthy 74 years so far, despite previous smoking and drinking habits, and he was inexperienced with hospital stays and procedures. Plus, it's just plain scary.

I went down to drive him home from the hospital in the middle of a nasty snowstorm, determined to get him home to the comfort and quiet of his own bed. I stayed for two days and watched my parents manage this crisis in the matter-of-fact way that is their custom...but also with great tenderness and with the ease of their familiarity and trust. He let my mom help him, and she was respectful and kind to him. I did dishes, laundry, filled bird feeders, shoveled snow, cooked a bit, and stayed up late with my mom. I really did very little, but I felt that I was where I belonged.

When I was growing up, my parents both worked full time and there was not much time for family connection time or even affection. There was always a sense of deep dedication and a maybe false, but very real sense of permanaence as I look back, mostly thanks to my mom. The foundation shifted from time to time, but it didn't crumble. Now that there is the time and the need for affection, it is there. I find myself realizing it is never too late to show affection or to be more verbal about feelings. We realize how precious our time together is in a way we didn't before. I know my dad regrets not being more present for us as kids, but I also know that what he gave us then, and certainly what he offers now, is much more than he could have ever wished for from his own folks. He thanked me a lot for helping and told me that he thought I was a good mom; that he loved my kids and my husband. I'm glad he is still here to say such things, and I feel lucky to hear them. I can feel how important it is, and it reminds me of how powerful my own words can be to my kids.

My dad's healing heals me too.

All one can do is to achieve nakedness,
to be what one is with all one's faculties and perceptions,
strengthened by all the skill which one can acquire,

And then to stand before the judgement of time.

Stephen Spender

On a Mountaintop

2009-01-20T15:22:00.005-05:00

I was choked up and moved by the inauguration ceremony. I couldn't get enough of the minutiae reporting. How far had people walked? What did Michelle give to Laura? Where was everybody from? Gloves or mittens? I loved all of it. But best of all, was watching our new president proudly take office at a time of such discord and strife, with true hope and a call to duty in his heart and in his words. I feel very honored to be an American today.

Happy New Era!!

Happy Birthday, Martin...wish you were here

2009-01-18T12:58:00.004-05:00

This speech, his last speech, gives me chills every time I hear it. The power of Dr. King and the righteousness of his message still resonates. Tuesday's inauguration is a testament to his memory, and to all those he inspired; those who made sacrifices, large and small, in order to do the right thing.

Lumos!!

2009-01-12T01:31:00.001-05:00

My middle boy is now ten. He is thrilled and happy to be ten. Happy to be on his way in the world, getting older and bigger. He notices that he can leap to the chin-up bar and his feet barely graze the floor now. Almost like his older brother.

He can leap farther across his bedroom almost to his brother's bed and he measures up to the bottom of my chin, his hand moving from the top of his blond head to my chest. He is loving and very forgiving, and he just sang a season of Christmas carols for us while he played piano.

This past year, he grew his hair out long until it went past his shoulders...like his older brother. Then, he recently decided to cut it short and he was glad to make the decision. He was happy to be free of the hair. Today, my mom gave him a lovely pure white stone that she found on the beach. She said that when she saw it, she knew he should have it. It is smooth and bright and softened. He loves it.

I am watching him get older before my eyes, and I miss the littler boy he once was.

I try not to dwell on that too much, though, because soon I will miss now, too.

Happy New Year

2008-12-31T18:37:00.004-05:00

I found this in my inbox today and thought I'd share it here. May everyone have a fulfilling 2009.

And remember...21 more days until the best President evah!!

December 31, 2008
New Year's Resolutions: The Two Lists
A Message from DailyOM Co-Founder Scott Blum

I was fortunate to spend time with an enigmatic man named Robert during a very special period of my life. Robert taught me many things during our days together, and this time of year reminds me of one particular interaction we had.

"Now that you are becoming more aware," Robert said, "you need to begin to set goals for yourself so you don't lose the momentum you have built."

"Like New Year's resolutions?" I asked.

"That's an interesting idea," he smirked. "Let's do that."

By then I was used to his cryptic responses, so I knew something was up because of the way his eyes sparkled as he let out an impish laugh.

"Tonight's assignment is to make two lists," Robert continued. "The first is a list of all the New Year's resolutions you WANT to keep, and the second is a list of all the New Year's resolutions you WILL keep. Write the WANT List first, and when you have exhausted all of your ideas, then write the second list on another sheet of paper."

That night I went home and spent several hours working on the two lists. The WANT List felt overwhelming at first, but after a while I got into writing all the things I had always wanted to do if the burdens of life hadn't gotten in the way. After nearly an hour, the list swelled to fill the entire page and contained nearly all of my ideas of an ideal life. The second list was much easier, and I was able to quickly commit ten practical resolutions that I felt would be both realistic and helpful.

The next day, I met Robert in front of the local food Co-op, where we seemed to have most of our enlightening conversations. "Tell me about your two lists," Robert said as the familiar smirk crept onto his face.

"The first list contains all the things I SHOULD do if I completely changed my life to be the person I always wanted to be. And the second list contains all the things I COULD do by accepting my current life, and taking realistic steps towards the life I want to lead."

"Let me see the second list," he said.

I handed him the second list, and without even looking at it, he ripped the paper into tiny pieces and threw it in the nearby garbage can. His disregard for the effort I had put into the list annoyed me at first, but after I calmed down I began to think about the first list in a different light. In my heart, I knew the second list was a cop out, and the first list was the only one that really mattered.

"And now, the first list." Robert bowed his head and held out both of his hands.

I purposefully handed him the first list and held his gaze for several seconds, waiting for him to begin reading the page. After an unusually long silence, he began to crumple the paper into a ball and once again tossed it into the can without looking at it.

"What did you do that for?!" I couldn't hide my anger any longer.

Robert began to speak in a quiet and assured voice. "What you SHOULD or COULD do with your life no longer matters. The only thing that matters, from this day forward, is what you MUST do."

He then drew a folded piece of paper from his back pocket and handed it to me.

I opened it carefully, and found a single word floating in the middle of the white page:

"Love."

A Big City Holiday

2008-12-25T12:57:00.010-05:00

I do enjoy Christmas, but I am glad for the day after, when things can settle down freshly. While shopping and preparing for the holidays, my oldest went on a big adventure to New York City. He has two very generous and loving aunts (hubby's sisters) who live in Brooklyn, and they invited him to come visit for a couple of days. He and one of his aunts took the train to Boston from the bottom of our street, then the subway, then the Amtrak to NYC, travelling door-to-door without a car. This was his first journey away from home, and he was not nervous or frightened or worried... he seemed so ready. I realized after he walked out the door, that this was a benchmark moment for us as a family...for me as a mom. One of many more to come, but one that I really noticed. I felt a clear tug of letting go as he headed out the door with his bag and a smile, looking forward to his adventure. I was glad for him, and I knew he would be with people who loved him.

He loved the train ride, watching a movie, visiting the snack car,and watching a snowy New England whiz by the window.The snow fell on the way in to Penn Station, and they started with a snowball fight in the evening in Central Park.

They went to the Met and saw an exhibit on arms and armor. His aunt said he was fascinated and talked much about what he knew, and what he noticed. They ate at a Middle-Eastern restaurant, they watched High Noon and Rear Window. They went to Rockefeller Center and saw the big tree. He was not impressed when they cleared the famous ice rink there, so that a man could propose marriage; rather he was disappointed that they were not bringing out the Zamboni instead.

They took him to Times Square where he said he felt really small, and amazed by all the lights. He went to Greenwich Village to go to a gaming store he had looked up before he left. They went out for pancakes and pizza and bagels. They watched Elf. When we spoke on the phone I mentioned that I missed him. He said, "Well, I would miss you too, but I'm having too much fun!"

Some of the best pictures are from the NYC Transit Museum where you could pretend to drive a bus and run over your aunt...They took some very funny videos of each other trying to sell tokens and give directions from the pretend ticket booth. A snowstorm made travel difficult, so he stayed an extra day and they took him on the Staten Island Ferry, which turned out to be his favorite part. He was in awe of the Statue of Liberty, having seen so many pictures of it, and his aunt said he stared out the window quietly at it for a long time.

My first boy arrived home a couple of days before Christmas with lots of stories and funny moments and a gigantic hug for us all. In most of the photos he looks genuinely happy, reveling in the fun of exploring a new place away from home. I am glad that he felt secure enough to leave us, remembering the littler boy who never wanted to leave my side, even at the playground.

To sweeten the deal, my awesome mother-in-law very graciously took the other two boys overnight, leaving my husband and I with any empty house and a snowstorm outside...

Wordless Wednesday

2008-12-17T14:10:00.000-05:00

Ramblings and a Christmas Meme

2008-12-11T23:12:00.000-05:00

Today was a lazy day at home during a cold, rainy afternoon. We had planned to go to the YMCA for some open gym time, but the momentum wasn't there. We watched Wind in the Willows on DVD, layed about, and the boys played some pretend Star Wars games upstairs while I did some baking.

A few days ago I found a Lord of the Rings Monopoly game at a thrift store for $4 with all the pieces and cards intact. I felt like I struck gold! It was fun to lay it out on the table and have them find it there. After playing it through once by the rules, they brought out more toy figures and made up other games and stories with the board. My oldest was more patient than usual with my youngest while they played and while there were some tense moments, they did okay. I find that it is easier if I remain on the outskirts for support rather than playing, as they all tend to be very sensitive to my advancing at their expense in any way. The dynamic just doesn't work right now.

When the weather is cold and rainy, I sometimes get antsy for outdoor time, but it's early yet, and I find I am enjoying the slower pace of indoor time. The time for quiet and blankets. Movies, board games, baking, and the sound of three boys stomping through our house, using every inch of it. We are enjoying the lead-in time to Christmas, anticipating gifts, hiding surprises, and decorating. The boys love their advent calendars with the daily chocolates. We have paper snowflakes on the windows made by the middle boy and me.

This is a Christmas meme I found over at Frank's blog. Take it and run with it if you like.

1. Real tree or artificial? Real. I enjoy the ritual of picking out the tree at a local place with the kiddos. Many memories of my Yankee Dad fretting about how much water the tree was drinking or not, as an indication of how fresh it was and ultimately, the quality of the deal he got on the tree.

2. When do you put up the tree? Earlier and earlier it seems as the kids have gotten a bit older and its more fun to have it up.

3. When do you take down the tree? After New Year's. Our town has a bonfire of spent Christmas trees on the Epiphany (Jan.6th). I'll try to blog photos of it this year. Nice big blazing fire!!

4.Wrapping paper or gift bags? Mostly paper, but gift bags are very alluring. Pop it in and you're done. Santa uses different wraps than I do. I did use Trader Joe's re-usable bags last year for some gifts. They are festive and red.

5. When do you start Christmas shopping?I am always looking for cool things that the kids like. I have a hard time waiting to give them things that I get in August or September. I really can't wait that long. So, I start restraining myself and saving Christmas gifts in November.

6. Who is the hardest person to buy for? My husband and my Dad.

7. Easiest person to buy for? My Mom. She likes everything, and she likes to be surprised. It's like giving a gift to a little kid. As much as she gives, she is also a wonderful receiver.

8. Angel on top of the tree, or star? A pretty tin star.

9. What is the worst Christmas gift you ever got? Anti-wrinkle cream. Yes, really.

10. What is the best gift you received as a child? When I was very little, I got a baby doll that I loved and (s)mothered. I was also very fond of a pink velour sweatsuit I got when I was seven. A little older, and I remember tickets to an ice show that was magical and special to me.

11. What is your favorite food to eat at Christmas time? Church window cookies made by my MIL.

12. What do you want for Christmas this year?(Frank's answer, which I love): I want the Constitution back! I think I might even get it, starting after January 20th. I can never have enough warm, fuzzy socks either.

Prop 8 The Musical

2008-12-05T09:38:00.003-05:00

I thought this was cute, funny, and to the point. Hay, if you are reading this, I think you'll love it.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Leaving the world wide open

2008-11-25T09:01:00.015-05:00

I was just reading the list over at Always Learning, and there was a discussion about TV-watching that I just loved reading, not just because it espouses the value of TV, but because the voices of the unschooling moms are so full of respect, love, and connection with their families. I often visit this list to read the voices of Sandra Dodd, Pam Sorooshian, Joyce Fetterol, and others, because they inspire me and remind me about why we have chosen to unschool our kids. And they help me get better at it.
I am into my fifth year of unschooling, and I am still learning to consistently create and foster an environment for my boys that is free and full. I get anxious when I discover certain things they don't know; when gaps are revealed through conversation, I sometimes still, want to whip everybody into shape with some structure and lessons. However, I have gotten to a point where I can silently acknowledge that anxious feeling in myself, and not punish them for my insecurity. It is mine, and when I impose it on them, I end up damaging our trust and our flow of natural learning.

Just yesterday, we were sitting around the table for lunch and I was reading questions to them from a deck of quiz cards one of them got for a birthday. They were all science-based questions and one of them asked what the center of a hurricane was called. My youngest answered "The eye, the eye!! I remember from Tweety and Sylvester!!" Other answers came forth, and when asked how they knew, I was struck by the wide variety of sources for their answers. Visits with grandparents, trips to museums, conversations with friends, cooking, camping, stories, and yes...TV and video games...were all cited. There were things they didn't know, but there was no shame in their not knowing. Just an inquisitiveness and a sense of "Huh. I didn't know that."I still have to get a grip on myself sometimes, and remove my ego from their learning. I have come to appreciate not only their knowledge, but their freedom to not know; their ability to see information and connections everywhere, and to take in what interests them. They get to wonder about things and to explore many paths. The best part is that I get to be there too, and I am grateful for that.

Friday Fill-In

2008-11-14T08:33:00.004-05:00

1. Please feel free to discuss your differing ideas. I don't need people to always agree with me .
2. When I am near one of my sons' heads I can't help sniffing it occasionally.
3. My favorite thing to cook is a chicken pasta dish, loaded with veggies.
4. Joy with my kids is something I can't get enough of.
5. That's the thing I love most about November; the good excuse to stay in sweats and slippers all day due to the weather.
6. Stepping on a scale after weeks of exercising always makes me think to myself, what the heck?
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to going out to listen to music, tomorrow my plans include puttering in the house and having friends over and Sunday, I want to go for a long walk!

More Politics: Prop 8

2008-11-11T15:25:00.006-05:00

I ran across this video today, and was quite moved. While feeling great gladness about the outcome of the Presidential election, I am stymied by the California vote on Prop 8. Living in Massachusetts, I can tell you that the legal right for gay people to marry has not resulted in the apocalypse of marriage in New England. In fact, it has not changed ANYTHING!!! Except...that more unrelated people who are in love and want to enjoy the legal benefits of marriage may do so. Simple. If any of my boys are gay, I am glad that they are from a state that recognizes their civil right to marry. I hope that in the future, their choices are not limited by state lines.

Thank you for this, Keith Olbermann. If only more of TV had this to offer...from either side, for that matter.

Fever and a Friday fill-in

2008-11-06T23:10:00.006-05:00

My youngest son experienced febrile seizures last night which is something I had never experienced before, and something I'd rather never see again. Febrile seizures happen when their is a sudden spike of a fever, and while frightening to witness, they are considered fairly harmless. My boy had been running a low-grade fever and experiencing headaches for a couple of days, but the fever really peaked last night to 103. Twitching, eye-rolling, moaning....scary.

Today...normal. Nothing. He wanted to go to the park and play. He's eaten and run around, talked with friends. Little kids' bodies are amazing.

And now for my Friday Fill-In:

1. My blueprint for success includes knowing yourself and what you love and taking it from there.
2. A Snickers Bar offered graciously from my son from his bottomless trick-or-treat bag was the last candy I ate.
3. The best facial moisturizer I've ever used is coconut oil.
4. Electing the new leader of the free world and knowing he's the right guy can be good therapy.
5. I'd like to tell you about how I lost twenty pounds...but I haven't...yet (see#2).
6. Being a decent and attentive listener is my strongest characteristic.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to sleeping, tomorrow my plans include going to a double-dutch demo and going to the Y (see#5) and Sunday, I want to drink coffee, play with my family, and maybe visit a friend!

Have you???

2008-11-06T16:19:00.005-05:00

I lifted this from Debra over at From Skilled Hands.

Bold the things you’ve done and will admit to.

1. Started your own blog (obviously)
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon (chuckle chuckle)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run (well, maybe in kickball)
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car(pickup truck actually)
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life(heimliched my mom)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous(Larry Bird)
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby (three!)
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

And...I VOTED FOR OBAMA!!!

Methinks I need to travel more.

How about you?

YES WE DID!!!

2008-11-05T11:13:00.007-05:00

It's time to rejoice and shed tears of relief. The man who should be President has been elected and both the nation and the world will be a better place for it. Tell your children history has been made. Save the front page of your newspaper. Skip down the street and laugh with joy because a genuine force for peace and justice will soon be entering the White House. I have never been so proud to be an American as I am today. This is what we are all about. This is what was meant to be.
Hello, President-Elect Obama!!!! I hope you and your family enjoy picking out that new puppy!
I also hope that in eight years we also get to vote for her:

Well done, Michelle!!

It's Time!!

2008-11-04T08:19:00.005-05:00

The Edge of An Era

2008-11-03T21:16:00.004-05:00

He embodies what is best in our country. He speaks...and I believe. In him and in us. I am so excited to vote for him tomorrow. Wishing everyone a fulfilling election day.

Friday-Fill-In

2008-10-31T10:01:00.006-04:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

1. My favorite food seasoning is hmmm..hard to pick one. Depends on the dish. I like oregano, curry, thyme...the list goes on.

2. My boys in the yard pretending is music to my ears.

3. Lucky is someone who gets to listen to her boys in the yard pretending almost every day.

4. Having a decent variety of Halloween treats available is something I take very seriously.

5. Many people worry too much about their kids eating candy, especially at Halloween.

6. Halloween candy was the last thing I bought at the store. (There's a theme here).

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to trick-or-treat joy, tomorrow my plans include watching my oldest play soccer and walking with a friend and Sunday, I want to clean out my garden and watch my youngest play soccer. LAST GAME!

Just Today

2008-10-16T15:37:00.009-04:00

Just today we awoke to a gray sky and decided to stay home all day. We kissed Dad goodbye. My oldest was sniffly and stayed in bed to read. My other two boys and I snuggled on the couch and watched "Charlotte's Web." We talked about how sad the ending is, and that we almost cried, but then we didn't.

My youngest, heart full of good feeling from the movie, decided to make tea and a PBJ for his sniffly brother and he carried it up on a tray for him. Middle boy drew him a cheerful card and placed it on the tray.

I read to them, a book about chemical engineering for kids, and what they liked most about it was how the brother in the story let his sister do something all by herself even when he may have wanted to help her.

We moved on to more books and talked about gravity. "How come the people in Antarctica don't fall off when they fall?" "Could you run and leap from the top of the Earth and land further down on the sphere?" "Mom, I get what's three-dimensional, but what's something that's one-dimensional?"

They danced to Blues music. Middle boy practiced spell-casting in the backyard with his wand that he whittled and embellished on his own. They listened to a bit of The Iliad on CD, and we talked about how one wouldn't know how to pronounce some of the names unless you heard them first.

My oldest played a game on the computer where you can run a mock Congressional campaign. He lost the first election, then he won the second time by a landslide. We discussed the Presidential debate. We watched a math video someone loaned us, and they skipped around to different parts they found interesting.

We ate soup and grilled cheese. "How about Harry Potter?" "Let's watch The Sorcerer's Stone again!" So now they are cuddled up doing that. Later, my youngest will play soccer, but that's all I know. The day is unfolding, full of comfort, choices, and family.

"When the words appeared everyone said it was a miracle. But nobody pointed out that the web itself, is a miracle." E.B. White

Our days are not always this peaceful and agreeable, but the opportunity to live these days and enjoy them is because we unschool. The unschooling life enhances the richness of our relationships and experiences. The openness to new games, people, places, and the chance to explore the unknown is there because we unschool. The time to re-visit old favorites and to reflect on our development and on what comforts us; that time exists because we unschool. As a mom, I know to appreciate and enjoy these simple miracle of days because we unschool.

Sarah Darn Tootin'

2008-10-03T22:54:00.007-04:00

The Other Mr. Rogers

2008-09-30T02:33:00.014-04:00

When I was in college and graduate school, I was drawn to Carl Rogers' writings. His philosophy of client-centered therapy deeply resonated with me those many years ago and guided me toward my approach to helping relationships as a professional social worker. He was considered controversial in his time, even radical, because he shunned the scientific models of psychology which stressed the quantitative shaping of behavior through more external means rather than using the therapeutic relationship as a foundation for client-motivated change.

I had forgotten about him. Or I thought so. Until I came upon one of his books in the library the other day. On Becoming A Person was published in 1961, near the end of Carl Rogers' career as a psychologist. The book is a compilation of writings and talks that reveal his journey toward the person he had become.

I am awed by his grace and genuineness and have found renewed favor for his words. But what I found most remarkable were his perspectives on teaching and education. Chapter 13 is entitled "Personal Thoughts on Teaching and Learning." It is derived from a presentation he gave at Harvard in 1958 where he was requested to expand his ideas to the concept of "student-centered teaching." I will not go into too much detail, but wanted to share some of his thoughts here:

"It seems to me that anything that can be taught to another is relatively inconsequential, and has little or no significant influence on behavior."

"I have come to feel that the only learning which significantly influences behavior is self-discovered, self-appropriated learning."

"When I try to teach, as I do sometimes, I am appalled by the results, which seem a little more than inconsequential, because sometimes the teaching appears to succeed. When this happens I find that the results are damaging. It seems to cause the individual to distrust his own experience, and to stifle significant learning. Hence I have come to feel that the outcomes of teaching are either unimportant or hurtful.....This is frankly troubling."

"...I realize that I am only interested in being a learner, preferably learning things that matter, that have some significant influence on my own behavior."

He goes on to say expound on the implications of these thoughts:

"Such experience would imply that we would do away with teaching. People would get together if they wished to learn..We would do away with examinations. They measure only the inconsequential type of learning."

"We would do away with degrees...a degree marks an end or a conclusion of something, and a learner is only interested in the continuous process of learning."

And I am only scratching the surface.

This fascinates me. That I had not made the connection before about the type of professional I was. About the type of person I already was before I came to unschooling. The seeds of this thinking were planted long ago by Carl Rogers and by my own experience in school, in relationships, and as a professional. It comforts me to find how deeply the tenets of unschooling are rooted in my person, and that I was almost unwittingly drawn to this more radical, yet, to me, so sensible way of raising children.

If you have read this far and you are not yawning....thank you. Perhaps this is a bit too narrowly personal for blogging, but there you have it.

If you are interested in reading more excerpts from this book they are here.

Still Six

2008-09-17T16:15:00.002-04:00

He will go swimming no matter the temperature, then roll in the warm sand of the dunes. He plays on a soccer team, and loves to work on the pottery wheel at art class. He is a whiz at navigating through the computer world, and he loves to have control of the TV clicker. He still enjoys watching Curious George.

If he's mad at you, he lets you know. He hits and yells, then dissolves in a puddle of tears. He hugs hard. He collects rocks, sticks, pinecones, acorns, and often offers special ones as gifts to me. He kisses and squeezes his brothers goodnight every night. His lobster print boxers are his favorite underwear. He's trying to learn how to jump rope.

Every morning I wake to him snuggled up next to me, having crept under my covers during the night. He is warm and friendly, compassionate and sensitive. He likes to do science experiments and play on the Wii with his friends. He loves to build with his Legos making space ships with laser guns, then staging great battles between them.

He like to pull pranks on his family with rubber snakes, insects, and rodents. He owns a whoopie cushion and he uses it. When I have not hidden it. He loves to call his Dad at work just to say hello. He often describes himself as shy. He eats spaghetti with abandon, steamed clams, raw carrots, and huge bowls of ice cream.

On Saturday, he will turn seven. But today he is still deliciously six.

Friday Fill-In

2008-09-12T13:02:00.018-04:00

1. I enjoy being, doing, exploring with my kids, and I also enjoy time to be alone and ponder, create, and just be.

2. Sarah Palin?? VP?? Really?? McCain?? A change?? Huh?? is something I wonder about often lately.

3. In your heart, you knew the Presidential campaign would turn ugly.

4. Take Obama, add a little Biden and you end up with a REAL chance for change.

5. Life has gifted me with a healthy loving family and the freedom and time to spend my days with them.

6. Going to the beach is an instant vacation. Also, sipping wine at night and watching Daily Show clips on my computer.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to spending time with some homeschool moms, tomorrow my plans include my eldest son's soccer game and having my in-laws for dinner and Sunday, I want to plan my youngest son's 7th birthday and watch him play soccer.

Catch a Wave

2008-09-09T20:46:00.000-04:00

The waves were breaking huge the other day after a storm had blown through and we hit the beach with our boogie boards. If you are reading this and don't know what a boogie board is, its like a long sturdy kickboard meant for laying on and riding the waves into shore. Once you start its hard to stop. This photo is from a much mellower day, and its blurry, but you get the idea.

Anyway, the thing I noticed about the wave-riders the other day, was the wide variety of ages and sizes of those who came in the water to play. Often its just the families with young kids and some teens splashing in the cold Atlantic, but the big waves proved too alluring to pass up for those who still had a playful spirit. It was heartening to see everyone catching their waves and smiling as they coasted into shore. Then, board in hand, they would head back out for more. The sound of the crashing waves was loud and constant, but then someone would catch a good one and a whooping holler would rise above the din. I couldn't help but smile, watching so many people spontaneously playing in the waves. It was a treat for the soul.

Not just a fad cause it's been going on so long (catch a wave, catch a wave)
All the surfers going strong
They said it wouldn't last too long
They'll eat their words with a fork and spoon
And watch 'em they'll hit the road and all be surfin' soon
And when they catch a wave they'll be sittin' on top of the world

~The Beach Boys

Friday Fill-in

2008-08-29T00:08:00.007-04:00

1. When I'm sick I'm usually very sick. For some reason, I rarely get sick, but when I do it's a doozy.

2. When I take a walk, I think about how grateful I feel to have some time to myself. And sometimes I try to organize my thoughts, check in with myself if I've been feeling irritable or scattered. It's a time to recharge.

3. Money can't buy happiness but it can enhance the happiness that's already there.

4. Cotton makes me ummm, comfortable, I guess. Especially cotton flannel PJs in the winter and leather makes me feel bad for the cows. I don't own any leather clothing, but we do have a leather couch that's very comfy and doesn't make my allergy-prone son sneeze. And I love my leather clogs which are very comfy.

5. The strangest person/character I've had lewd thoughts about was ahhhummm...I'm not going to go there..

6. My favorite color these days is teal because it's always been my favorite color, and I'm not fickle about teal. My whole house is painted in teal.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to hanging out with my family, tomorrow my plans include going to a party with a bunch of people we camped with this summer and Sunday, I want to get ready to go camping again!

School

2008-08-26T00:04:00.000-04:00

The kids start school around here tomorrow, and I am feeling my annual tug of doubt in my head. Not in my heart, mind you. Just in my head. I worry that my kids will miss their friends or feel left out, or that after a summer filled with friends, I will be very boring. But after today, I feel better.

We released our first of four monarchs that we have raised from eggs, we had a great discussion about school and how glad they are that they don't have to go, then more about things they want to do in the coming weeks. Their list of things to do includes wheel-throwing pottery, buying a new game for the Wii, mountain-biking, apple-picking, and staying in pajamas. They asked for science experiments and trips to specific museums. They asked for laser tag, cooking, history lectures, and visits with their grandparents. All those things belong on the same list for them.

Our conversation reminded me of how their perception of what is productive or worthwhile is without boundaries. Everything in their life is fair game for learning, and they are only limited by their imagination of what is possible. Sometimes I still think of my old subject notebooks with their nice neat separations of five or six sections. They were very structured and comforting...and labelled. Our life - our learning - does not fit into those notebooks, and I can find that to be both wonderful and disconcerting at the same time. I have to continually tinker with my inner nagging school marm...but her voice is fading, and her bullying tactics don't work so well anymore.

Family-friendly Friday Fill-In

2008-07-31T23:09:00.007-04:00

1. If I could travel back in time, I'd go to the days I gave birth to each of my boys...after the pain part. Those days were the happiest days of my life.

2. Give me a fresh garden tomato sandwich or give me homemade sangria. Really, either would do. Why do I have to choose?

3. I am listening to the dishwasher running and my husband snoring while he "watches" the baseball game.

4. Somewhere, someone is thinking boy, he sure is a loud snorer.

5. I'll always be glad that I married my husband. Well maybe not EVERY moment, but...overall. Really, really glad.

6. My idea of a good time includes doing just about anything with my family. It is not hard for me to have a good time. Usually.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to watching The Alamo with my oldest, tomorrow my plans include cleaning up the house and preparing some food for a party and Sunday, I want to have a lovely lunch here for my mom's birthday, then take everyone over to the local polo matches. We've lived here ten years and have never been!

Beach Magic

2008-07-30T08:36:00.005-04:00

Yesterday was a beautiful summer day here in New England. We had nothing on the schedule, the boys all slept in, and the afternoon was spread out before us. The beach seemed an obvious choice, so we suited up and gathered our things and, as usual, tried to solicit some friends to come along or meet us there. It is prime day camp season and most of the boys' friends are gone all day so it ended up being just the four of us.

I cannot remember the last time that just the four of us went to the beach together. These are the simple, unplanned moments that are easy to take for granted, but today I savored it. I watched them squeal when the big waves came in and I saw them look for each other after the waves passed by. They were smiling, laughing, and high-fiving each other. They built Sauron's Tower at the edge of the water and had sword fights with their whiffle ball bats up away from the crowds. We ate and talked and rested and swam together some more.

I loved having my boys to myself at the beach. I loved being together with them and watching them be with just each other. My oldest turns twelve next week and I wonder how much longer he will be content with this kind of a day. I know I could never get sick of it.

A Learn Nothing Day Disaster!!

2008-07-27T21:13:00.010-04:00

It all started off with such promise. It was raining. We had been on vacation in Vermont for about ten days with family and we were all a bit quiet and restful. Conditions were perfect for learning absolutely nothing.

Then I opened my big mouth...."Is buffalo mozzarella made with buffalo milk?"

You see, the day before LND, we had been to a farmer's market where local goods are sold. I was drawn to a table where they were selling cheese and yogurt and had started chatting with the farmer. He told me that their products were made with buffalo milk right there in Vermont, then he got distracted and the kids all wanted their yogurts, so off we went. This is the setting for that fateful Learn Nothing Day disaster. My husband was under the impression that buffalo mozzarella was a term rather than an indication that buffalo milk was used. "Really?" I said, "I know he said that they used buffalo milk."

But maybe I misheard?

Was I having a Jessica Simpson moment?

Husband says:

"You can't milk a buffalo!!"

"Have you seen many buffalo roaming around since we got here? There's no way."

I had to find out. Learn Nothing Day, be damned!!

Here is what I found out from the website. If you click on the link, you may see for yourself:

Bufala di Vermont, based in South Woodstock, Vermont, is the site of the first water buffalo farmstead creamery in the United States and has the largest and the best quality milking herd of water buffalo in North America. Although water buffalo milk and its products have been consumed around the world for thousands of years, there are only three water dairies in the United States. All Bufala di Vermont products are made in Vermont and are 100% pure water buffalo. Water buffalo, or bufala, are a completely different species than North American buffalo, which are actually bison. One of the greatest differences between these two animals is that water buffalo are an excellent source of dairy, as well as meat. Water buffalo produce approximately 15% of the world's milk, primarily in Southeast Asia, South America and Italy. Italians have been using water buffalo for over 200 years where the meat and mozzarella are highly regarded delicacies.

Bufala di Vermont produces fresh and aged cheeses, yogurt, and specialty meats. All products are all natural and free of antibiotics, growth hormones and anything artificial.

AHA!! So we drove 20 minutes to visit the only dairy-based water buffalo herd in North America and we all got to pat them and meet the farmer and see the dairy operation. We were doomed.

SO, it was me....I ruined a perfectly good Learn Nothing Day for all of us. Except one of my boys reminded me that they were still boycotting it anyway, so it was okay with them.

Better luck next year, I guess.

A Learn Nothing Day Boycott!!

2008-07-08T09:26:00.006-04:00

My kids have decided to boycott Learn Nothing Day. They have decided that it sounds way too boring and they refuse to participate.

The other night while we were waiting for the beach fireworks to start, I finally sat down and the free-form chatter started.

My youngest started talking about odd and even numbers, and figuring out that in one had to add an odd and an even together to get another odd. The other two had fun trying to test the theory. Other discussions were as follows:

Why do we have fireworks again?
Which one of those songs is the national anthem?
If I jump up and down in the same place, do I ever land EXACTLY in the same place or is it always different?
Why do most stars have five points? Why not four or seven? Why do Jewish stars have six points?
Why can we hear that boat horn so clearly from so far away?

I reminded them that Learn Nothing Day was coming, and that we needed to practice, so shhh!!

They laughed. And that's when they decided to boycott it. And then we started talking about boycotts...

Our Night At the Museum

2008-06-29T17:02:00.006-04:00

We enjoyed a multi-family sleepover at the Boston Museum of Science this past weekend. The theme of the newest exhibit is "Baseball As America." As we are such big baseball fans and love this museum, we were thrilled to have the opportunity to participate. We were assigned to the dinosaur area for our campsite, and we slept in the shadows of the T-Rex. She protected us all night, and we swear that we saw her move a few times.There was an awesome demonstration called "Home Run Science" and my youngest got chosen to go up front as an assistant. He is riding in a red wagon that is being pulled by the forces of wind and rotation. I learned so much from that scientist who had all kinds of giant gadgets to demonstrate physics. His joy and enthusiasm were contagious. Many "Aha!" moments for me. Good thing we squeezed it in before Learn Nothing Day!!

And here we are getting ready to crash for the night. They had us going until midnight before the lights went out. Throwing baseballs and measuring their speed, watching a 95mph fastball from behind a catcher's mask, perusing very cool artifacts and memorabilia...the other families were very cool, and everyone seemed to enjoy the unique magic of the museum after hours. It was a night to remember.

Filling in the Blanks and random photos

2008-06-27T02:18:00.010-04:00

Since I cannot seem to form very many sentences of my own lately, I have decided to resort to an old favorite, the Friday Fill-In. I kind of miss blogging, and maybe this will jumpstart me to a new beginning.

1. Birthdays are very fun celebrations at our house. Middle boy is celebrating his 1/2 birthday next weekend as he decided he would like a summer party. A Star Wars cake and laser tag party are in the works!

2. I can't decide which season is my favorite season because they each bring their own unique joys and celebrations. I love camping and beaching in the summer, the beauty and coolness of fall, winter snow, and the relief of spring.

3. I feel my best when my boys are happy and our whole family is together enjoying the outdoors. And when I am exercising and taking care of myself. And when I am sharing time with my mom. All those things make me feel relaxed.

4. A lovely fresh garden salad with egg and homemade dressing is my favorite food!

5. First impressions are maybe more important than they should be, but they are often telling.

6. The best piece of advice I ever received was to trust my own instincts as a mother. I got it from LaLeche League and it has resonated throughout my motherhood.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to a family sleepover at the Museum of Science in Boston, tomorrow my plans include more museum fun, exercise, and rest and Sunday, I want to garden and play at the beach!

The Unschooling Adams'

2008-05-09T10:09:00.004-04:00

I found this perfect video bit over at Center Down Home today and wanted to plant it here as well. So funny. It's a little over 8 minutes long.

Friday Fill-in

2008-04-11T09:00:00.007-04:00

1. I love springtime in the woods, hearing peepers and spring bird songs!
2. Homemade bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches and home fries are foods I love to eat for breakfast.
3. It seems I'm always searching for something interesting to write about in my blog. Not much luck lately!
4. Snuggling my kids to sleep, then enjoying a bit of wine with my husband is a great way to end the day.
5. I think I see the sun!...whoops, no...here come the rain clouds again!
6. Sunshine and warmth is what I've been craving lately.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to helping my son enjoy a sleepover with his friend, tomorrow my plans include going to see a play of Frog and Toad stories and Sunday, I want to sip my morning coffee and see what the day brings!

2008-03-28T13:00:00.002-04:00

Friday, March 28, 2008

Friday Fill-In #65

1. Some relationships are meant to happen exactly when they happen.
2. My kids performing their air band is the last concert I saw; it was loud, dynamic, and very local. (see previous post).
3. Spring should be savored.
4. Oh no! I forgot to send my kids to school!
5. I've recently started becoming enamored of our new Wii.
6. The sound of my kids laughing never fails to make me smile.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a movie with the kids on the couch, tomorrow my plans include attending a friend's 50th birthday party and Sunday, I want to have a big mug of coffee and then hike outside!

A weekend tour

2008-03-27T13:22:00.002-04:00

What do you get when you mix two brothers in their room , a rainy day, a favorite CD from the library, hours of free time, and a pair of sunglasses?

No...not a fight over the sunglasses.

No...not a fight about the volume of the CD player.

No...no fighting!!!

We got an awesome air concert. Rehearsed, performed, and performed again....and again.

There was the front man.

and the crooner

The crooner was also the drummer.

The front man really played to the fans.

..and he was the sound technician. Here he is re-starting the song on the CD player.

and, get your lighters out...here is the grand finale.

It was easily the best concert I have ever been to. Front row seats, VIP snacks, and backstage passes. We got to hang out with the band all night, and we all totally slept in the next morning.

Friday thoughts

2008-03-21T09:50:00.004-04:00

1. My son's soccer team winning last night after 15 straight losses is so exciting!
2. Strawberry fields will soon be here and offering summer's first sweetness.
3. Fresh strawberry shortcake with homemade whipped cream sounds like it would taste delicious!
4. Why does a long hike, camping, a day at the beach, a sweaty workout, or a glass of wine make me feel so good?!
5. The Grand Canyon is something I've always wanted to see.
6. It's sad when people become shut off to their feelings.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to starting a new book, tomorrow my plans include exercising and Easter Bunny prep and Sunday, I want to visit my parents and eat jelly beans!

13 reasons why I love unschooling

2008-03-20T08:00:00.001-04:00

1.I can stay home with my children and learn beside them.

2.My children get to make friends with a wide variety of people.

3.We get to cuddle in the morning and talk quietly before we start the day.

4.Despite periodic illness, my kids have perfect attendance records :).

5.I trust my children to learn what they need to know when they need to know it, so they never feel "behind."

6.No school bullies live here.

7.My children get to know me as a full person, not just as a mom.

8.The principles of unschooling have helped me to be a better wife, friend, and parent.

9.Because we unschool, my children do not view learning as a task that is separate from their life.
10.My boys get the opportunity to truly bond as brothers.

11.No cold, early morning, wet, snowy, shivery bus stop.

12.Museums, movies, beaches, parks...all are nearly empty, cheaper, and easy to explore when everyone else is in school.

13.I get to be with my kids every day, and I love watching them grow and change. I'm not missing anything.

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Amazing speech

2008-03-19T15:52:00.006-04:00

I think this is probably the best political speech given in my lifetime. The frank discussion of the status of race relations in the US is stunning and genuine. I really do believe in this man and his hope. I think his presence in the White House would be both powerful and healing, just like this speech. It is long, but it is worth it.

If you'd rather read it, there is a link below.

http://my.barackobama.com/hisownwords

Learning from my boys

2008-03-11T23:15:00.009-04:00

It seems like almost every day, my boys teach me how to be their mom. As they grow from littler boys into bigger boys, their boy-ness has become more apparent to me. I am with them every day, all day, and I am still having to breathe through their noise and roughness. They are not always noisy and rough, but it is a way that they communicate and move through space that is different from me. Not just as an adult, though that is part of it. It is their boy-ness. I grew up with two older brothers who wrestled with me and each other. I raced them and fought with them. I am not completely out of my element with boys. But I often need to check my expectations and leave them behind. I know there are also girls who are rambunctious and loud, but even these girls seem more balanced to me than my boys do. I recognize those girls as reflections of my own childhood in a way that I don't with my sons. So I have been trying to expand and grow rather than trying to change my boys. That was like trying to teach cats to swim.

Going to the grocery store is a frequent adventure. They want to help, but they also want to run down the aisles and coast on the cart, and see how fast they can go. They want to see how many different ways they can hang on to the cart while it goes. My littlest one likes to climb onto the bottom rack and "spy" the other shoppers. Twice...TWICE...we have tipped the cart full of groceries over in the store. Now, you may think this is crazy and wild. It is, I suppose, but its not done in a destructive or completely careless way. They are very kind to other shoppers, and careful of older people. They talk to babies who are riding, and they delight in making them laugh. They like to see if they can find the jam I want; low sugar, organic, 16oz., seedless (10 points), or if they can get the right oatmeal; old-fashioned, rolled, organic, stove-top, round canister (15 points).

I am tired after shopping, and I often prefer to go alone so I can go faster because I see grocery shopping as a chore. They see it as just another opportunity to play and learn. So it is better if I choose to make that shift when I am with them, and when I do, they show me the rich possibilities in an otherwise laborious task. Helping them take turns pushing the cart. Discussing the importance of weight distribution on the cart!! (Why did it fall over?) Noticing the patterns on the floor that are good for a game of walking challenges. Talking with them about why certain foods are on my list and others are not. Honoring their food choices and their desire to try new things (What's meusli?) They read labels and check prices of different sizes. They like to see if there are free samples, and they remind me to get things I would have forgotten, like the dried mango and the kind of bacon that Dad likes. They unload the cart, and my oldest likes to run my credit card through the machine and sign my name on the electronic screen.

Just the process of writing this is a reminder that I need to chill out more at the grocery store. And that's just one example. Museums, movies, visits with relatives, medical appointments...I can get anxious about how they are going to act, and ahead of time I often discuss etiquette for different settings. I worry too much, and sometimes forget to become a part of the process with them.. I get too caught up in preventing arguments and hoping they don't seem too wild and loud to everyone else.

It is probably a Buddhist saying, but I'm not sure. I don't remember where I first read it, but I come back to it frequently when I am feeling perplexed about my parenting skills:

Don't try to steer the river.

So, even though I feel that we are going through some whitewater rapids in our journey together, I need to remember to steer the boat (or occasionally the shopping cart as the case may be), but not the river of their boy-ness.

Unchooling Voices #13

2008-03-02T10:38:00.004-05:00

The new issue of Unschooling Voices is now up over at PoMeyu. Check it out for some wondrous unschooling wisdom.

Feeling Grateful

2008-03-02T08:35:00.026-05:00

I've been feeling a bit stuck about writing here lately. Lots goes on in our everyday that I could natter on about, but a recent tragedy at my husband's job has made it hard for me to do that. Just when I start to describe a day or a memory or a slice of unschooling discovery, it all suddenly seems so unimportant.

My husband works with young adults in one of the most crime-ridden, impoverished cities in this area. One of his young men was shot by another, and while one lies fighting for his life in a hospital, the other is running for his out in the world. The enormous gulf between our family life here and the lives of people in that city, just 18 miles away, is unfair. The many obstacles that need to be overcome on a daily basis in order to survive and to have a chance of escape are discouraging and depressing. I am sad for both of these young men. Sometimes it seems that despite any opportunity they may have to live a more fulfilling and successful life, and regardless of their courageous efforts to reach for those opportunitites, their fate is inevitably tied to their surrounding culture of poverty, criminal behavior, and violence. Their chances aren't good. I am sad, too, for my husband, who cares so much about these young people and who is hurting for them and their families. He lives part of his day in that world, and then comes home to us, and I can forget the reality of where he has been all day. Lately though...I just can't.

Last night we watched The Lord of the Rings - the Fellowship of the Ring as a family. My husband had never seen it before, but our son had been urging us all to watch it with him, so we did. There is that quote by Gandalf, addressing Frodo who is feeling distressed, frightened, and not altogether hopeful about what lies ahead. Frodo wishes it all away.

"So do I," says Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times.But that
is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the
time that is given us."

I think that what my husband does is very important, and as discouraging as his work can be, I think he knows it is right for him to do it. His time makes a positive difference in the lives of peole who don't have many choices about what to do with their time. It is a good fight.

Thirteen MadLibs

2008-02-28T08:14:00.008-05:00

This is a list of thirteen MadLib snippets from our home. In case you are not familiar with MadLibs, it is a word game . One player is the Reader who does not tell anyone what the written story is about. The Reader asks the other player(s) to give him/her words - an adjective, noun, verb, or whatever else the space calls for- to fill in the blanks of the story. Then the Reader reads the story to the other players when the blanks are filled in. It can be quite funny.

1.... When a bad guy attacks, her stomach turns into the size of a flea and shoots out a poison pineapple.

2.One time I dared my sticky little brother to stick five super spicy toilets in his belly for a full minute. Next time I'll dare him to put them in his brain instead.

3.My friend went to her concert and she brought a hot dog up on stage to smell with her. I'd give my right eye to be able to do that!

4.The crowd went wild and a big bulldog behind her started to juggle. She didn't win the big prize, but was awarded Smelliest in Show. We won a huge trophy shaped like a pretzel.

5.The star of the show was a goofy dolphin named Winky who could balance a TV on her mouth. Winky was really smart, and she could even cook.

6.My little sister's favorite TV show is Harvey the Dinosaur. It's about a big, smelly dinosaur who loves to fart and dance. My sister watches about 300 episodes a day.

7.They tell her they will give her a new camel to play with. But she is too busy fighting down San Francisco and French frying A-Rod.

8.Arnold is a weird warrior whose girlfriend has beeen kidnapped by an evil globe, played by Big Papi.

9.Then men from the Defense Department come and want to use her as a secret military broccolli.

10.Then it snows greedily for 50 days and the couple discovers the red place is haunted by the ghost of a dirty potty.

11.At this point there is a lot of flinging and farting, but before he can harm anyone he is killedby a stray parrot.

12.Pterosaurs had large, smelly wings with 600 claws on the ends that they used for gripping hot dogs. Pterosaurs came in 11 different sizes. Some only had a two-inch wingspan and looked like clowns.

13."Fire!" said the monster, clutching his humpadoop. "Eenatah," replied Major Zarnak cleverly and, getting back into his spaceship, he zipped back to his headquarters on the planet Happatoo.

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Sand Art

2008-02-25T13:01:00.005-05:00

This video is a little long (9 minutes) but it was mesmerizing for me and I wanted to share it. It is a sand artist whose work is projected on a screen while he manipulates the sand into different pictures. If you've never seen it before, it's worth a look even if you just watch part of it. My kids liked it.

Close the textbook and slowly step away from the kitchen table!!

2008-02-22T12:48:00.012-05:00

The March '08 edition of Unschooling Voices will be hosted over at PoMoyemu. The optional topic question is:

What do you do, as an unschooling parent, when your child expresses an interest in a particular topic, and you don't know how to help them in a way that doesn't involve lesson plans and curriculum?

As an unschooling parent, lesson plans and formal curriculum do not drive our days. While we do have what I would call "schooly" resources in our home - workbooks and such- they are probably the least- used materials we have.

This is a John Holt quote that is in place at my friend's blog, Be Here Now.
“What children need is not new and better curricula but access to more and more of the real world; plenty of time and space to think over their experiences, and to use fantasy and play to make meaning out of them; and advice, road maps, guidebooks, to make it easier for them to get where they want to go (not where we think they ought to go), and to find out what they want to find out.”

-John Holt, Teach Your Own

When my kids develop an interest in something, it is an exciting opportunity to see where it takes us. The library is full of movies, audio books, instructional videos, CD-ROMS, and loads of BOOKS! Sometimes the curiousity is sated with a short explanation or a picture, and other times it is the beginning of a path that takes us to a different place. Museums, beaches, wooded trails, historical markers, restaurants...all these places and more are considered our curriculum materials.

An internet connection and a minivan connect us to thousands of resources. When I look at our traditional schoolish worksheets and activity pages, I like them for what they are. They can be a jumping off place, or they can concretize something I have trouble explaining, but standing alone they cannot compare to the rich opportunities that the wide world of unschooling offers.

Unschooling Voices

Alien Encounter

2008-02-18T18:48:00.011-05:00

Today was a day of note.

Inside my home. In my very own kitchen. A girl. A real live little girly girl, came into my house and she stayed for a while. She is a friend of my youngest boy, but she has moved away and was back for a visit.She sat. She colored. She quietly nibbled at snacks...one at a a time. She drew me a picture and it wasn't my birthday and I did not ask. She danced. She did not once shout or run or tell me loudly how badly she had to go to the bathroom. Legos did not morph into weapons, and I was not asked to feign death. She made houses and animals. She giggled. She did not wrestle. She walked all the way down the stairs, stepping on each step. When her grandfather came to pick her up, she came downstairs, quietly put on her own clean WHITE coat with faux fur trim, her pink rain boots, and gathered all her own things. As she waved goodbye, I refrained from pathetically begging her to stay. Then she was gone. For just a couple of hours I was transported into a world of princesses and pink and rows of magic marker flowers.

Weird.

Elusive diversity

2008-02-17T13:01:00.002-05:00

One of the constant issues on my mind as a mother who is trying to provide a rich learning environment for her kids is, what about diversity?? It is easy for me to find resources for my kids. We enjoy mseum memberships and we live within easy walking distance to our incredible library. We have homeschool friends and athletic activities. We have a reliable vehicle that can take us wherever we want to go. We lead a pretty full life. Except...we do not have much contact with people of color or different ethnicities. We live in a very homogenous town in a very homogenous part of the state, in a very homogenous part of our country. I try to put concerted effort into geting my kids out of our town and to places where not everyone looks like them. I want them to hear different languages, see different clothing, and to develop at least an awareness of how big the world is outside of our white town. Moving to a more diverse town is not economically feasible for us right now, and a move to a city would not suit me.

Unschooling does give us the freedom to get out of our town more often and to explore the different nooks and crannies beyond the familiar. I see my kids notice yalmulkes and burkhas and saris. I watch them try platanos, pho, and curried rice. We listen to samplings of different music. When it is better weather, we are more apt to use the subway or the commuter train to get into and to move around the city. During our outings and after we return home, I try to encourage conversations about all that we've seen. Much of what they notice goes far beyond the walls of any museum.

I am hoping that they will feel comfortable moving around in the larger world when they get older. I am hoping that they will feel able to relate to people who are different from them. I am hoping they will develop awareness and compassion for those who are less fortunate. I hope that the freedom of unschooling allows me to show them a bigger world beyond the segregated society we live in here. Exposing them to math, science, history...all the traditional school subjetcs..that's easy. Those concepts and opportunities are everywhere. Helping them to become citizens of the world is perhaps a more daunting issue for me.

Opportunities for friendships with children from different racial or ethnic backgrounds are extremely limited. A few of their friends are adoptees from foreign countries, and those adoptive families do discuss and incorporate the culture of their child's birth country into family life. Sometimes we attend organized trip for homeschoolers outside of our area, but even these groups are not racially or culturally diverse. As my kids grow, I hope to continue finding opportunities for us to enrich our lives with people and places that are more reflective of the world.

13 favorite couples, real and imagined

2008-02-14T01:20:00.001-05:00

1.Catherine and Heathcliff

This was my first read that got me out of my tween girl novel stage. Goodbye Ingalls family, hello passion.

2.Sonny and Cher

I remember getting to stay up and watch their variety show. I loved when they brought out Chastity at the end and sang "I Got You Babe" to her. The DJ played this song when my husband and I cut the cake at our wedding.

3.Jack and Ennis

Passion, tears, angst, and more passion...and more tears. They were fabulous, I'm used to it.

4.Maddie and David

Clever sexual tension and decent acting considering they didn't really like each other.

5.Torvill and Dean

I thought my parents might send me to bed early when these two got going. Be still my awakening heart.

6.Ellen and Portia

They seem so comfortable together and without all the typical Hollywood drama.

7.Guido and Dora

This movie took my breath away. Their love was deep and enduring against all odds.

8.Han and Leia

Kind of like David and Maddie with the tension, but without so much talking.

9.Abigail and John

These two knew how to write a decent love letter to each other. And they were friends

10.Harold and Maude Quirky love, where you really get to be your own odd self and still be adored.

11.Cliff and Claire

Their arguments were a little too healthy, but I liked how they shared responsibility.

12.Marie and Pierre

I imagine these two brilliant scientists really understood each other in a way nobody else could.

13.Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy

I think these two probably benefitted from some brief, but intense couples therapy in order to iron out their communication issues, but then they went on to live happily ever after. We all need a little help sometimes, but its worth it.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

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Flattery will get you everywhere

2008-02-11T21:15:00.006-05:00

First, I would like to thank Holly over at Unschool Days for bestowing me the honor of an Excellent Blog Award. I can only hope live up to such a distinction. I just started blogging regularly, so it was really nice to be noticed by her; in between tooling around Paris with her lovely daughter, of course.

Part of getting the award is to pass it on to others whom I think are excellent. There are so many blogs that I gain insight, laughter, and knowledge from, and most of them already have this friendly award. So, I have decided to pass it on to those who I have most recently come across in the blogosphere. Some, like me, are new, others not, but they have all come to my attention just over the last couple of months.

1. Be Here Now. Kelli is someone I am happy to know IRL. She and her lovely musical family are a pleasure to be around.

2. Full Body Transplant, written by a teacher in Miami who seems to enjoy his job, life, and hobbies.

3.Throwing Marshmallows. She had me at her photo post about the joy of homeschooling boys.

4. The Flatland Chronicles is written by a Floridian Brit with the best voice this side of the puddle.

5. Life without School is a great place to get varying perspectives on child-led learning.

6.Kim at Relaxed Homeskool has a blog brimming with humor and great writing about unschooling.

7. The Minnesota Matron makes me think and laugh, and she has the best Cinderella story this side of Disney.

My other "E"s go to the rest of my blogroll. Most of them very deservedly already have their "E"s.

Why We Unschool (Part II)

2008-02-09T09:22:00.001-05:00

Making the decision to homeschool our son at the end of first grade was not the hardest part of this change. The hardest part was telling our families and close friends that we were veering off the main road on our own journey.

It is hard to veer off the main path. My mom, the retired schoolteacher, wanted to grab the wheel. I knew that she didn't want to control us, but she was afraid we might get lost. We talked, and over time she became more reassured about our decision. We had a map that showed us how to get back to the main road anytime. Some friends were a little miffed. A couple of them took our decision to homeschool as a judgement of their journey. Some couldn't understand why I would want to get off of this seemingly flat, smooth well-marked road. Was I just deciding to be contrary and different? Was I being elitist? No. And no.

While it felt like most of the other parents were on the main road toward the holy grail - COLLEGE! CAREER! SUCCESS!! - we decided to take a scenic route and focus on the journey, wherever it lead. If we focus on having a joyful, fulfilling journey, how can we not end up in the right place eventually?

Most importantly, our son expressed some relief when we talked to him about staying home. I remember feeling honored by his trust in us. As long as he would still be able to see his friends, he was happy to leave school behind. School was not a bad experience for him, but he did not flourish there. His teachers often remarked about how quiet and compliant he was . This pleased them, but it worried me. It was almost as if he was holding his breath all day, because when he came home he would often unleash his aggression and anxiety at me and his younger brothers. Keeping him home was going to be good for all of us.

Serendipity had it that the summer after our decision to homeschool, the Live and Learn Conference was taking place about a half hour from my house. I knew nothing about unschooling, but I casually walked in with my kids on that Friday, asking if I could register at the door. I told two conference divas at the check-in that I found about about the event on the internet two days before and I was interested in checking it out. *Blink* *Blink* Was I aware that this was a national conference and that people had been planning for months, travelled from all across the US to attend? Um...no. *Blink* *Blink* They let me register.

So, as luck would have it I got to listen to a keynote speech from Ann Oman, another session with Sandra Dodd, and yet another with Valerie Fitzenreiter. I was immediately immersed in a sea of happy unschoolers and I knew I was in the right place. Looking back, I don't know how long it would have taken me to come to unschooling without this conference at my back door, but I know we were spared the struggles of school-at-home and the cost of many unnecessary curriculum materials because of that weekend.

Four years later, I can honestly say that I only wish we had pulled him out sooner. Family and friends have evolved along with us, and I cannot remember the last time someone said something unsupportive to me. My mom still worries, but she also listens and she is respectful of us. She and my dad have enjoyed their opportunity to spend extra time with the boys, taking them places, visiting for the day, being with them. My in-laws do not share their thoughts about what we do. I sense their concern, but there is no dialogue. That's fine. I hope they are seeing that the boys are growing, learning, and enjoying their lives without school. I couldn't be more confident that they are.

Unschooling Voices

Mission accomplished

2008-02-07T16:34:00.002-05:00

I found this over at Warts and All.

Very cool video of I guess what I would call group performance art at Grand Central Station.

Thirteen Things I'm looking forward to

2008-02-07T09:13:00.003-05:00

1….A glimpse of sun. It has been raining, sleeting, or snowing here since Monday.

2..Playing one of my son's lengthy strategy board games this weekend. He always beats me mercilessly.

3..Having some of my kids' friends over today. They are a nice buffer after all this inside together time.

4..Finishing a blog post about unschooling. I have been overthinking it.

5..Having my husband bring me my coffee on Saturday morning while I laze in bed. He heats the milk, and sweetens it just right. This little ritual means everything to me. It's the little things, guys.

6..Listening to my son play the piano.

7..Spending some overdue alone time with my husband. Fingers are crossed about getting a babysitter.

8..Going to the library to get some new reads. My bedside stack is running low. Any ideas?

9..Making Valentines with the boys. They indulge me a bit here.

10..Planning the do-over for my parents' 50th anniversary debacle.

11..Getting in a good long walk/gab fest with a friend.

12..Buying my next pair of pants in the next smallest size. The exercise is working!

13..Sun, sun, and more sun. Did I mention that already?

thursday thirteen

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VOTE!!!

2008-02-05T09:47:00.000-05:00

Our Superbowl Sunday

2008-02-04T10:18:00.000-05:00

So....they lost. The New England Patriots lost the Superbowl. Honestly, I don't really care as I am not a huge football fan, but my husband's disappointment was palpable. The boys and I consoled him, and this morning we declared it "Mopey Monday." Just a day to allow the loss to sink in so we can all move on. Congrats to any Giants fans out there. I never watch football, but I watched this and I could appreciate the craft of a well-played, well-matched game.

In order to take the edge off, and add some perspective, here are some photos of our pre-game festivities, when the possibility of a historical 19-0 season was spread out before us like a blanket of...of untouched guacamole.

I think the most consoling words I can think to offer my husband. The most compassion for this that I can muster, are these.:

Pitchers and catchers report to spring training in two weeks.

Reclaiming the Birth Experience

2008-02-02T23:05:00.000-05:00

Yesterday,I viewed a surprisingly poignant and jarring film about birth in the USA. Ricki Lake is the executive producer, which made me skeptical going into it, but the powerful images and footage of the birth experiences in the film speak for themselves. Afterwards there was a panel discussion, led by four midwives. I was moved by their dedication to women and their right to a non-medicalized birth. US women have become indoctrinated in the modern medical mindset which tells us that normal, healthy birth is something to be manipulated, numbed, and scheduled.

According to the movie, the US has the second highest rate of infant mortality among developed nations. In Europe and Japan, roughly 75% of births are attended by midwives, compared to only 2% in the US. In effect, by imposing the norm of medical intervention, pitocin drips, epidurals, and a skyrocketing rate of elective C-Sections, women are being robbed of one of the most unique and powerful of human experiences.

I remember being in labor with my boys, and amidst the increasing length and pain of the contractions I doubted my ability to give birth naturally. My midwife reminded me that I could, and she held my hand and she encouraged me. I was scared and distraught. When the miraculous moment came and my baby was born, the incredible flood of relief and triumph I felt was unlike anything I had ever felt before. The natural oxytocin that flooded my brain as my body responded freely and naturally to the birth, helped to bond me with my newborn, to love him and feed him and warm him. I would have bonded with him anyway, but I would have missed that feeling, and I think that feeling is important.

I know that not every woman can experience natural birth for a variety of reasons, but we are doing our sisters, daughters, our men, and ourselves an injustice by habitually accepting the notion that a healthy, normal birth is not compromised by medical interventions of a billion dollar birth industry. It is. I am grateful for the availability of high-level medical care. Doctors can perform miraculous life-saving interventions, but when they are not called for, get them out of the birth room.

*SPOILER*

At the end of the movie, the film-maker is transported to the hospital during labor after her midwife determines that her baby is presenting as breach. She has an emergency C-Section and mother and baby pull through.

Here is a link to the movie trailer. It will be publicly released on DVD this month.

Read All About It

2008-02-01T18:33:00.000-05:00

The Carnival is Here!!

The Current Issue of Unschooling Voices, a blog carnival of posts related to unschooling is up. You never know who might be linked there.

Check it out!

Friday Fill-In

2008-02-01T17:21:00.001-05:00

1. Once I was a springboard diver.
2. Being pampered is the only good part about being sick.
3. Today at home I ignored Mount McLaundry.
4. What's The Old Spice Girls tour all about?
5. If I make a mistake I try not to make it again.
6. When I woke up this morning, I thought it would be a good day to stay in and watch movies with the boys.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to my husband coming home, tomorrow my plans include going to the Ricki Lake movie about home birth with a LaLeche friend and Sunday, I want to get outside with my kids!

Thirteen things I've learned this month

2008-01-31T00:30:00.000-05:00

1....Blogging is fun when I don't think of it as an obligation.

2....My husband needs a new sportcoat and he's not going to get one unless I buy one for him so that he has to return it and get the proper fit.

3....Electric eels are not really eels. I learned this from my youngest boy who decided to find out about these creepy creatures.

4....John McCain has a mother!!??

5....My oldest son has quite a decent stash of candy left from Christmas in his room. He said he just likes to save it. He is a packrat.

6....Ted Kennedy's opinion still matters to me. Warts and all, the guy is a living legend.

7....Mammograms aren't that bad. I just had my first one, and while it was mildly unpleasant(squish!), it didn't hurt.

8....I can change a light fixture and a wall switch by myself. I actually learned this last month, but I'm too proud of it to leave it out.

9....My youngest son had "no idea" what his father's middle name was until two days ago. I guess it hadn't come up? He knew mine, at least.

10..My middle son's interest in piano lessons is more than a passing interest, and he is soothed when he practices.

11..When you put a snowflake image on a blog post, and don't do it correctly because you really have no idea what you're doing, many people from all over the world will hit your site as "snowflake" is a very popular search word, and they wll be linked there beause of the image. Very cool.

12..Apparently, there was a guy named Fred running for President of the US. Who knew?

13..This TT green color does not go well with my blog at all, and I will never use it again. It makes me a little nauseous, but I'm too lazy to fix it.

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The Bridge

2008-01-28T16:53:00.000-05:00

This is a bridge in my hometown. It connects the mainland to a spit of a peninsula where I spent most of my free time as a young child and teen. If you are from the town, you get a resident sticker on your car and you can park on the peninsula. But I think it is better to walk over. It is a beautiful wooden bridge with wonderful views of the bay and some marsh. It's fun to walk by the people fishing off the side and see what they've caught. The winds on the protected bay are perfect for windsurfing, and the clam diggers are out at low tide. It's a wonderful place.

Damn Cat!

2008-01-27T18:39:00.000-05:00

Last night, my brother and I spent a couple of hours at his house, poring over old and new photographs, creating a photo collage for my parents' 50th anniversary celebration. On the way home, maybe a mile from my house, a black cat safely crossed in front of me. Now...I am not a superstitious person AT ALL. In fact, I thought about how silly I was to even notice the cat was black or to even consider that the incident could matter. HAH!

So....this morning, a rapidly forming coastal storm was predicted to hit the exact location of our party at exactly the time we were to gather. Snow, high winds, power outages, hazardous driving conditions,...the works. This is the first I have heard anything about any questionable weather for today, and I had been keeping an eye on the forecast all week. Winter in New England is very changeable, but, "hey whoops, we'll be experiencing some blizzard conditions today" is over the top. The inn where we planned to gather is not far from where my parents live. They are going there anyway for a little getaway. The dinner party was a kick-off for their mini-vacation. Maybe the forecast is wrong. Just an antidote for a slow news day.

As we ponder, watch forecasts, discuss.....

The inn calls. They are closing the dining room and our lovely table in the conservatory will not be available. A pub menu would still be available if we choose to proceed. WHAT!!!??? My visions of prime rib, fresh fish, and roasted capon have suddenly changed to personal pizzas, burgers, and buffalo wings. Sigh.

Okay,okay. No party. My parents are beside themselves with worry that my brother and I will attempt to drive our familes anyway and they are wholeheartedly relieved when I tell them we have decided to cancel. I am dismally disappointed, however I feel we have made the right decision.

But then...

my other brother calls. He has flown in from the other side of the country to surprise us all and he is on his way to the inn. WHAT!!!??? I explained the situation. He quickly understands, apologizes for not letting one of us in on his plans, but decides to go have dinner with our parents anyway.

Now he is stuck at a McDonald's as the roads are impassable. My parents are upset.

Are you still reading this train wreck?? Are you shaking your head? Because I still can't believe this happened, and the blame has to go somewhere, and if I ever see that damn cat again I've got a gas pedal and I'm gonna use it.

This happened...but then...

2008-01-26T20:26:00.000-05:00

This happened:

I got a bad cold and I was miserable getting up yesterday morning. Poor sleep, stuffy nose, painful sinus headache....I wished I could just stay in bed and not have anyone need me.

But then...

my son gave me a hug and offered to make me tea. He climbed onto a chair to get the kind he thought I needed, and he poured it into my favorite mug. He went over to his brother on the couch and offered to read to him so that I could sit and sip. He asked if he could start a paper mache project he had been planning and I helped him find some space. He worked at it for an hour, and he thanked me several times for helping him get the supplies and for mixing the paste.

During the day, all three boys asked how I was feeling, hugged me warmly, and told me that they hoped I would feel better soon.

I was warmed and soothed and cared for by my kids.

Such medicine cannot be bottled, but if it could it would cure so much more than a silly cold.

50 years together

2008-01-25T11:17:00.001-05:00

Today is my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. Being their daughter, I have had the privilege to bear witness to their relationship for most of those 50 years. It has not always been blissful and perfect. In fact, I view the longevity of their relationship as a testament to their high levels of tolerance for periods of unhappiness. My mother was a school teacher for over 30 years, and my father was a veteran social worker. They retired from their jobs within a couple of years of each other about 8 years ago. They both worked hard at helping children their whole adult lives, and I think they were aware of how important it was to keep our family intact even when the going got tough. I also know that as stubborn New Englanders, divorce was just not considered practical.

They met while students at UMASS in the '50s. The story is that he was looking for a date, so he picked her name out of the college phone book. Back then, when you called a dorm, there was a dorm switchboard or a common phone and you had to be paged for your call. My mom was on duty that night when he called and asked for her. She agreed to meet him, they fell in love, and have been together ever since.

In the early days of their marriage, they remember celebrating payday by going out to buy a steak and cooking it in their tiny apartment. In more recent years they have been enjoying the fruits of their careful saving and savvy investments and they have been travelling together to different parts of the world. This thrills me. That they are still together. That they still enjoy each other's company. That they make each other laugh, and they argue, and they still love each other so very much.

My brothers and I and our families are throwing a dinner for them at their favorite inn on Cape Cod this weekend. I will bring my camera and take lots of pictures and be present in feeling the joy of the celebration.

Sorry Fred!!!

2008-01-24T23:51:00.000-05:00

83% Barack Obama
82% Chris Dodd
82% Joe Biden
79% Dennis Kucinich
79% John Edwards
78% Hillary Clinton
76% Mike Gravel
76% Bill Richardson
39% Rudy Giuliani
35% John McCain
27% Mitt Romney
25% Mike Huckabee
23% Ron Paul
19% Tom Tancredo
15% Fred Thompson

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

This was an interesting quiz. I was a little suprised by how strongly my answers aligned with Obama, and I expected Kucinich to be higher. Some of the questions did not include my answer as an option. Go Blue!! It's the best we've got. I'm all for hope, but our present governor has shown that idealistic hope can get you nowhere fast if there's no plan to make it happen. But...I'm all for hope.

Why We Unschool (Part I)

2008-01-24T17:25:00.000-05:00

Very often, I am asked about why we home school our three boys. We live in a lovely town with top-rated schools, and the idea that I wouldn't want my kids to attend is very puzzling to people. I am not a religious zealot, and I have never been referred to as radical.
I guess the idea to keep my kids home was borne of my experience in La Leche league some years ago. I breastfed all three kids for two years or more. At that point, that was the most radical thing I had ever done in my life. If someone had told me when my oldest was born that he would still be breastfeeding at age two, I would have laughed....and blushed. LaLeche League helped me to "be the mom;" to make my own decisions about how I chose to care for my kids, rather than blindly conform to what was considered "normal." I grew up. Then I found out that school is the "formula" of early childhood.

Several years later when it was time for my oldest son to start kindergarten, I was thinking about home schooling, but not seriously. My second was just two, and we planned more. Kindergarten was not every day, and I thought he'd enjoy it. He did. He also went to first grade where he continued to make friends while I continued to ponder keeping him home. I missed him, and while he didn't seem unhappy at school, his spark for learning new things was being extinguished. He was an avid reader and writer so he was often sent to work independently while the teacher worked with other kids. Her mandate to bring the students up to a certain level for standardized testing left my kid sitting alone at a table doing worksheets. She was a wonderful, talented teacher who was not allowed to honor each child's progress. She had to toss aside her creativity and some of her compassion so that she could get the 6 year-olds up to snuff. Our real estate market depended on her. I also realized that no matter how good our school system was, they were never going to be able to provide my son with what I felt was the best learning environment; a place where he could explore his interests at will. He was already buying into the gold star mentality, sipping the Kool-Aid of test performance and reading rewards. And I was starting to hold the pitcher. EEK! I had to get him out of there.

Fast forward...By the end of first grade my husband had come to see the light and we decided our oldest child would not go back to school. We had also been sending the middle one off to preschool a couple of mornings each week, and I stopped that too. The school had a strong artistic slant, which I thought would be wonderful, but my middle one struggled with his motor skills and the sensory environment overwhelmed him. It was not a good fit. On his last day as the door was closing behind him he declared "Well, thank God that's over!" The issue for me was how to tell the other people in my world that I was seceding from normal society and becoming a freaky homeschooler.

Thirteen favorite board games

2008-01-23T17:29:00.000-05:00

These games get the most attention at our house these days


1....Attack!  Strategy game similar to..
2....Risk- perpetually taking up valuable coffee table space.
3....Red Sox Monopoly- Gotta get Big Papi and Vtek
4....Zooreeka- all ages love this one from the makers of Cranium
5....Connect Four- tabletop and hand-held versions
6....Mastermind- probably the most worn out box in the list
7....Boggle- love playing this with the oldest one.
8....Labyrinth- always fun twists and changes
9....Caves and Claws- cooperative game my littlest one enjoys
10...A Walk in the Woods- another cooperative game
11...Chess- "are you sure you want to move there?"
12...Dino Monopoly- fun beginner monopoly
13...Khet- laser maze game. "Are you sure you want to move there?"

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Wordless Wednesday

2008-01-23T10:40:00.001-05:00

A Friend Fix

2008-01-20T23:16:00.001-05:00

I was just out of college and working at my first job as a counselor for teens when I met my friend, Kathie. She had just moved to New England from her home in Iowa to be with her future husband, and I shared an office with him. Kathie had left behind her beloved midwestern hometown and her large family. She was a little lonely for friends, so her boyfriend asked if I might call her to go out. Please! So I did. The truth was that I had recently moved to a new part of the state to start my post-college life. I had a new small apartment and while I adored my two cats (such listeners!), they didn't hold their liquor too well and they never had any good gossip. Kathie was the warmest, funniest, most even-keeled woman I had ever met and I told her guy the next day that if he didn't marry her I was going to steal her away. He was smart enough to marry her, and ever since then...twenty-two years ago...we have been friends.

Kathie was home raising children long before I was and I stopped by regularly to blather on about my personal dramas and wash her dishes. I remember when her oldest son, now a towering, handsome twenty year-old man, was a fragile premie, weighing only several pounds and strapped to a heart monitor. Her life was full of responsibilities and full-fledged adulthood, and I was somewhat in awe of her. By contrast, I think I offered an alternative to mommy talk and acted as an interpreter of all things Massachusetts(you'd be surprised!) to her warm, easy-going, midwestern personality. She was there when I met my husband, and she stood next to me at my wedding. Her youngest and my oldest are a month apart, and her company and support during my early motherhood helped me grow up. She knows just about all there is to know about me, and she still accepts my calls.

We got to hang out together this past weekend after several months of busy schedules, and after talking, eating, laughing, and talking....and eating, I am reminded of how wonderful it feels to share time with a true-blue old friend.

Unschooling Meme Challenge

2008-01-20T00:36:00.000-05:00

This is for the Unschooling Voices Blog Carnival #12 which is being hosted by Kim over at relaxed homeschool. The challenge is to answer each question using photos. Here goes:

1. Favorite Resource....

2. A field trip they loved and learned from. King Arthur festival
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3.A game they love so much and don't realize it's educational. "I'm thinking of a number between..."

4.What you've strewn lately. .....

5.Everyday task where they pick up lots of info. Riding in the car

6.A resource you have always wanted to purchase for the children, but keep putting off. More travel experiences.

.
7.What your kids think school is really like. ............................

Best Place to Unschool:

Friday Scones

2008-01-18T09:28:00.001-05:00

I am making a batch of these this morning to bring to my boys when they wake up. They won't look as pretty as these, but the boys don't spend much time looking at them. We have been having some..ahem..disequilibrium in the house lately. I'm hoping to start the day off better with something sweet, crumbly, and warm. They are easy, so if you feel so inspired, here is the recipe, adapted from my Pillsbury cookbook:
2 cups flour
1/4 cup sugar
3 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 cup butter
3/4 cup buttermilk
1 egg
2/3 cup favorite dried fruit

Heat oven to 400. Combine flour, sugar, baking powder and salt. Blend well. Cut in butter until mixture is crumbly. Stir in your currants, raisins, dried cherries...what have you. Beat the egg and buttermilk together and add all at once. Stir until just moist. Knead 5 or 6 times on floured surface. Sometimes I just put some flour in the bottom of a big bowl and knead it that way. Place on ungreased cookie sheet and press into an 8-inch circle about 1 inch thick. Cut into 8 wedges; don't separate. Sprinkle with sugar. Bake at 400 for 15-20 minutes or until golden brown. Serve warm.

These can easily be adapted to a savory side for a soup night. Rather than fruit, add herbs and/or cheese. Perfect for dipping.
Here's hoping there are some smiles in your Friday.

13 for MLK

2008-01-17T00:44:00.000-05:00

In honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. - he would have been 79 last Tuesday- and further inspired by a Buddhist lecture that I attended last night, here are thirteen things that I can do to bring more peace and fairness to my corner of the world.

1.... Take a few minutes each morning to clear my mind so that I can start the day feeling a little more relaxed and purposeful. Sometimes my brain sounds like a cassette tape that is running too fast. I usually wake up bfore the boys, so this shouldn't be too hard.

2.... Sometimes my Yankee New Englander reservedness gets in the way of my warmth. I'm going to try and not be so fearful of expressing my warmth to others.

3...Give more time and money to our local food bank.

4....Fill out comment cards when I go places expressing my appreciation for friendliness and helpfulness. Too often people only fill them out when they're angry. I am particularly thinking of our library and the Y, but they are everywhere.

5....Offer more support and comfort to my friend who is trying to affect positive change for racial minorities where she teaches school.

6....Let my husband know, more often, how much I appreciate his hard work so that I can stay home with our kids.

7....Bring a meal and some flowers to my neighbor who is tending to her 97 yo mother and her ailing husband.

8....Be more patient.

9....When thigs go awry, remember that This too will pass. Or as Sandra Dodd puts it, there are no bad days, just bad moments. Or something like that.

10...Expose my boys to peaceful messages more often. I love and appreciate their fascination with weapons and conflict, and I can converse with them more about "the force" and "the dark side." Maybe strew some quotes about peace.

11...Keep hugging my boys every morning. Start the day with loving gestures and words as they wake up.

12...When people irritate me, try to shake it off and remember #9.

13....Remember the power and reverberation of "The Dream." If you want to see a video and hear the "I Have A Dream" speech, click here.

Exercise

2008-01-16T09:11:00.000-05:00

I could not shed a pound to save my life. I jogged and walked and went to kickboxing, step classes, yoga...I did not lose one pound.

Okay, so I'm just another mom in her forties struggling with weight. Yawn. BUT, I have lost 15 lbs. over the past 5 months because I did a little research and discovered what I was doing wrong. For so long I thought I could lose weight if I just had the right groove going. Eat a little less, lay off the ice cream, get to STEP class on Saturdays...nothing major. Yet, I continued to gain....and gain, and gain. I thought, perhaps, that my body was somehow different from others of my species. I was the one who broke all the rules...a medical anomaly!!

Then, I found out my Body Mass Index (BMI). Well, I didn't, the computer did. Then I found out about my target heart rate and my calorie needs. Due to my mid-forties metabolism, my body needs way less food than I had been enjoying..And, I had not been exercising vigorously enough or often enough. It was a sad, sad day.

A healthy BMI is 25. Mine was.....higher.

And the cardio machines were consistently showing a heart rate of between 120 - 130 beats per minute. I needed to get up to 141 and maintain it for 30 minutes!! That meant breathing hard and sweating. Yikes.

So, I started eating even less, but still leaving room for occassional favorites, and I am now on a first-name basis with the fitness staff at the Y. AND...I started going to Spinning classes. The last time I had exerted myself that much, physically? Maybe giving birth. Maybe.

I have yet to reach my goal, but I've got a plan and except for a brief holiday eating/drinking frenzy (can you say pomegranate martini three times fast??), and unsurprising setback, I have been making slow steady progress. Like my friend here.

More Winter Wonderland

2008-01-15T13:34:00.000-05:00

Just a few more pictures of the day after the storm. Beautiful trees laden with snow, blue skies, and kids to share it with.

Snow Day

2008-01-14T23:00:00.000-05:00

One thing I like about reading blogs is "visiting" other places. Here is a glimpse of a New England snow day. We got almost a foot of snow today, and becasue it was blowing in on a strong storm, everything is covered in white. Very winter wonderland effect. I like how it makes the trees look like cartoon drawings. The snow was too fluffy for making snowmen, but probably a mile or two closer to the ocean and that would be a different story. I like how the streets are deserted for a short time and you see your neighbors out shoveling and playing in the snow.

Here, on the left, is what our yard looked like a couple of days ago. Plenty of mud and warm enough to play outside with just a sweater on.

And here on the right is a photo of the sand box today. Here are more pictures of fun and scenes from the storm.

Snow surfing Neighbor's Car

Chasing Brothers

Snowy Tree

Monday Top Ten + 2

2008-01-14T14:14:00.000-05:00

I like to keep the energy up in January so we don't get too bogged down in winter doldrums. The boys are better than I am about slowing down and enjoying the indoors. I get antsy to get out, so sometimes we get out of sync with each other. This list is a reminder that there is a way to savor the coziness of indoors as well as shake out the cobwebs from time to time. Since we all need extra motivation in the winter, I added two extras.

Top Ten+2 things to do on a January Monday in New England

1.Sleep late
2.Make a really good cup of coffee.
3.Get out all of those thick socks, boots and other assorted winter wear and USE IT!!
4.Go letterboxing
5.Dump all the Legos out onto the floor and have at it.
6. Bake
7.Leave paper cups filled with different things outside and see how long they take to freeze.
8.Go to the beach and find some cool driftwood. (see #3)

9.Cuddle up in the biggest bed with a pile of stuff from the library.

10.Take a moment to be grateful for warmth, food, and family.
11.Make paper snowflakes and put them on the windows.

12.Go to a coffee shop and order warm drinks and muffins.

There...I feel better already.

Playing Games

2008-01-13T14:00:00.000-05:00

My kids do not have a gaming system, so they go on-line and play free games that they find. Most recently, they are back on Dragon Fable. It is an RPG site where they can create characters and put them through their paces with various fantasy creatures. While I know that many parents are uncomfortable with video games and "screen time," I cannot tell you how many more hours my kids spend inventing their own games and using the computer games as springboards for their imaginations.

We have an arsenal of light sabers, swords, knives, and various other homemade weapons made from Legos, Zoobs, gift-wrap tubes...you name it. They frequently dismember and destroy each other and then bounce back for more.

A common refrain is "You can't have invincible magic, that's not fair!" or my favorite "Mommmmm!!! He won't die and I've killed him like a hundred times!"

Then, out comes my own personal purple light saber to slay the stubborn foe and the deed is done...problem solved.

Super quick supper

2008-01-12T03:30:00.000-05:00

Winter Saturday Supper

Much to my chagrin, my three growing boys need meals every day. Even Saturday. So here is a quick and easy supper for a rare night when the babysitter is coming, or when I feel like taking it easy without take-out.

Twenty Minute chili

1+ lbs. ground beef and/or gound turkey

1T cumin

1tsp. salt

1/2 tsp. pepper

1-2 cloves garlic, crushed

3 16oz. jars good quality prepared salsa

1 cup water or stock

1-2 cans chili beans

shredded cheddar

tortilla chips

Brown the meat in a large saute pan. Add garlic, cumin, salt, and pepper. Put the seasoned cooked meat in a large saucepan over medium heat and add the salsa, water or stock, and beans. Stir and heat through. Serve in bowls with cheddar and chips.

Voila!!! Cue up the movie and call it a night.

Morning Light

2008-01-11T11:22:00.000-05:00

My youngest boy. Chillin' on the couch with a comic book, er...graphic novel. If he went to kindergarten, he would probably be considered a non-reader. They wouldn't know what a book-lover he is. This is his favorite downstairs spot, with a blanket and a pile of books. He also carries lots of things over to that table and leaves them there; the extension cord, stuffed toys, and I believe there's glue as well. You never know what you're going to need and when. Best to keep it all close at hand.

Family Facts

2008-01-10T17:52:00.000-05:00

Thirteen Things about my family

1.We are a family of five. Me, my husband, and our three boys.

2.My kids don't go to school. They learn from our life at home and out in the world.

3.We live in Massachusetts. I was born here. Traced back on my dad's side I am a 5th or 6th generation Massachusetts....ite??

4.We love,love,love baseball and the Red Sox. (See above).

5.We camp. Car camping with a tent. As the boys get older it's getting more fun, and I'm hoping that backpacking is in our future.

6.We live in a relatively small home. When we got our minivan, I felt like we had built a addition on our house.

7.We like to stay up late and sleep in. Not very NewEngland-y.

8.We have an awesome extended family. I feel lucky every day for them.

9.We drink raw milk.

10.We all have our own light sabers.

11.We like to watch Mythbusters together. And Star Wars movies. And other movies.

12.The only thing that motivates us to get up early, is if we plan to go out for breakfast. It is probably our favorite restaurant meal.

13.We celebrate half birthdays.

**Disclaimer: My husband is typically an early riser, and only joins in our slothful schedule on occasion.

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE:

Beach days

2008-01-09T14:39:00.001-05:00

Unlike this photo, the beach was windy and ominous today. We rushed there this morning to collect some purple sand that we saw a couple of days ago. I guess it is caused by garnet that gets washed up now and then. Pretty. Anyway, the forecast was for a rainy, windy afternoon so we went first thing. The beach is a special place to me. Any beach. I love to share it with the kids and see it with them. They see all the sticks and the debris as weapons and invention parts. I look at the birds and I enjoy the sounds.

Today we watched the winds blowing against the beach grass. It was moving in waves
Very cool. And we saw the clouds blowing in from afar. And I got my jar of purple sand to take home.

The Youngest Boy

2007-11-05T16:48:00.000-05:00

He is a barrel of conflicting emotions and expressions. You can never know exactly what's going to emerge, but he is free with his smiles.

The Oldest Boy

2007-11-05T16:40:00.000-05:00

What I love about this photo is the soulfulness of his gaze. I often wonder if he is looking at me or if he is lost in his own thoughts.

The Middle Boy

2007-11-05T16:37:00.000-05:00

He is sweet and sensitive. Sometimes temperamental, but he bounces back well. He always seems to know when someone needs a hug.

Take us to Your Leader

2007-05-21T11:53:00.000-04:00

When I came across this fairly recent photo, it inspired me to start this blog. Pretty soon, one or all of them won't let me share this stuff anymore, never mind take these pictures. Besides, its just funny.

This particular photo of these knights in shining armor was taken at the Higgins Armory in Worcester. It was a fun thing to do on a damp, chilly late winter day. On the way home we went to a Chili's restaurant near Nashoba. The kids were hungry and tired. The place was nearly empty, and the waitress seemed that she had way better things to do than serve our family who had the nerve to show up in the middle of a nice slow afternoon. It was a long wait. Daniel found that if he leaned over just right while standing on the bench of our booth he could see the TV in the bar. Only, just his luck...they had golf on. Head goes into hands and he exclaims, "This place is hell." Nathan was laughing so hard, there were tears. We proceeded with a discussion about the word "hell." Is it a swear? Sometimes? When? Examples?? I think the kids in the next booth got quite a bit of information that day.

Renewal

2007-03-12T08:52:00.000-04:00

The clocks changed yesterday, and I can already feel the springtime me emerging. Since turning 40, I think the winter season has become more of a challenge for me, emotionally. Each day is a conscious effort to overcome the dark and cold. But with the promise of light and warmth ahead, I feel lighter and....happier. I have gone back to reading blogs and sites that inspire me, comfort me, re-charge me. So, it occurred to me to retrieve my username and password, and start writing again.

da bruddas

2006-08-24T00:06:00.000-04:00

That is what my youngest used to call his older brothers. "Da bruddas." "what da bruddas doin'?" "wheah da bruddas?" Now that he is older, his pronunciation has become more sophisticated, but my husband and I often refer back to this more endearing term. It has occurred to me more and more that by being unschoolers, my children will be able to really know one another to a depth I will never know my own siblings. My brothers and I generally liked each other and got along. Still do. We love each other. But I would hesitate to say that I really know them, or even ever really knew them. I think that the deep bond of a healthy sibling realtionship is something that is probably one of the richest experiences a person can have.

When my husband and I are gone our boys will have each other to share their memories. And so we are making those memories now. Our choice to be home together provides us with so many opportunties to build trust, love, and compassion for each other, and although there are days when those elements are lacking, we always have the next moment, the next day, another week, to get past the hurts and experience the joy of being together as a family.

don't go with the flow

2006-08-21T21:41:00.000-04:00

This time of year has become a time of mixed feelings. I am happy that we are not a part of the "back-to-school" frenzy. I am looking forward to going to the beach after Labor Day with the boys and savoring the outdoors of September. I feel fortunate to not have the anxiety of a new school year ahead of us. I am glad. Really glad.

But....there is this other part of me that feels a little left out. Its as if there is something exciting going on, and we are missing it. I suppose that is true, too. This is the trade-off of homeschooling to me. Along with the freedoms and joy, there are pangs of isolation, especially in September. The boys don't seem to notice. I think it is a part of the rythym of my life for so long. September is my reminder that I have changed rythyms.

Deciding not to enroll the boys in school is a new commitment every year even though my philosophy is that learning is a natural, ever-evolving process. I hope that as years pass, this seed of doubt...this fear of being different...this pesky little knot...just dissolves.